It’s no secret that over the past week I’ve been working on my house. It’s a 1920 home with a wraparound porch and lots of character… or at least it HAD character until some owner in the 1970s decided to cover up all that character up with vinyl siding and replace the antique windows with something we think they stole from a trailer park fire or post-tornado sale.

In any case, my friend Tom [not Andry] and I have done an incredible amount of work in an equally incredibly short amount of time. Here is what we’ve done so far:

• Removed all vinyl siding on 3 sides of the house
• Removed all original wood siding on 3 sides of the house
• Sprayed for bugs
• Added R-13 insulation to three sides of the house (wahoo!)
• Installed 12 new windows (appropriate to the style of home – 3 more to go)
• Trimmed said windows in 1×4 and 1×6 and added sills
• Installed Hardi-plank on 3 sides of the house
• Took most of the wiring which was located on the side of the house and placed it within the walls
• Shored up the front porch supports
• Leveled the back corner of the house with an 8-ton bottle jack
• Fixed a number of bad areas with new wood (rotted or termite infested)
• Fixed/shored-up the front porch railing

We did all this in 6 days. No, we’re not done, but it took my neighbor over 4 months to do the same (and a bit more, to be fair) to his house and he used a team of 2 full-time guys… 4 months, and we’re relatively close in less than a week.

I’ve learned tons this week, so I thought I’d share my top ten with you:

1. With enough ignorance and sheer will power, anything is possible!
2. Always check to make sure that the air compressor is disconnected from the nail gun before allowing your 4-year-old to play with it (no, nobody was hurt!)
3. Bottled water and granola bars are your friend.
4. Caulk is your BEST friend.
5. The best way to cut Hardi-plank is to use an abrasive masonry blade on a 12-inch chop saw. It cost $10 and will last the entire job. No carbide blade lasts more than a day (a real man’s day, not some fluffy 8-hour jaunt)
6. Termite poop does NOT taste like pepper, though it looks very similar.
7. If we could harness energy from termite poop, my home would be a renewable source of fuel. Despite what the laws of diminishing returns say, I have actually found walls that will emit the stuff ad infinitum provided I continue to bang with a hammer.
8. Home Depot sells very inexpensive vinyl single-hung windows that are not plumb but are still probably worth it.
9. Two 8-ton bottle jacks can lift the mean center of a bungalow home at least 1 inch if needed.
10. The phrase “This should be pretty straightforward” should never, I repeat, NEVER be uttered on a jobsite.

I feel that I can now build a house. Sure, I’d contract any surveying and concrete work, but As for framing, AC, insulation, roofing, electrical, plumbing and trim – I’ve done just about everything now and have no fear. In fact, it would likely be much easier than most of the jobs I’ve done since it doesn’t involve any “retro” work. Perhaps someday I’ll get to do it. According to my sister-in-law, I should have just taken this house down to its foundation and started from there!

We’ve still got two more days (as a team, until Tom [not Andry] leaves for home) and then we’ll see where we’re at. Bottom line is we’ve worked harder, faster, and more efficiently than any one I’ve EVER seen or even heard about in construction. I dunno, may be it was to prove to those people who looked at us with those glazed eyes and “knowing” smiles wrong. Maybe it’s cause Tom [not Andry] and I are insane. Maybe it’s cause we simply have a work ethic that is stuck in overdrive…

In either case, the house looks awesome and I couldn’t be happier!

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