If you don’t want me to CATing press it!

I’m going to have a hard time keeping this one clean so I’m going to type it like I think it and replace all the bad words with CAT. FYI

CATing computers and their CATing peripherals. I spent all God CAT morning CATing with this CATing podcasting equipment. Why? Well, I wanted to call Clint. And I need my mic. But when I went to make the call, I noticed I couldn’t hear anything. So I go into trouble shooting mode. Here’s the process:

1) Check settings
2) Restart computer
3) Re-check settings
4) Re-restart computer
5) Check for driver upgrade (this never fixes any-CATing-thing so I don’t know why I do it)
6) Update driver
7) Restart computer
8 ) Realize that new driver is WRONG new driver and now it doesn’t even know what device you have plugged in
9) Curse profusely
10) Un-install driver
11) Search for original installation disk for 1/2 hour
12) Reinstall old driver
13) Restart computer
14) Check settings
15) Curse profusely
16) Press random buttons you’ve NEVER TOUCHED before on the front of peripheral
17) Fixed
18) CAT

I’ve CATing had it with CATing computers and their stupid CATing logic. Just CATing WORK God CAT it! How hard is that? User error? Sure. I took all my podcasting equipment out of town with me and I must have pressed a button during the unpacking stage. But CAT! One CATing button and I loose my whole morning? I’ve got reviews to do, editorials to write, responses to “Hey you know you can use iTunes to get your music to other devices” comments to smack down. I’m not in the mood for the Mac-heads to start up with their, “Oh, well, you can use this program with this device and if you stand on your head and chant a mantra while aligning your chakra you can get around Steve Jobs DRM.” I don’t want to hear it. Mac’s just WORK right? That’s what all you people say. Except when they don’t by design. And that sucks.

But PC’s are far worse in my opinion. They don’t “not work” by design, it seems like complete and total negligence. When a Mac doesn’t work, you feel like someone did it to you on purpose. Some people find that comforting, like Steve Jobs is a parent that is looking out for them. Other’s feel like he deserves a big kick to the nuts but regardless, when it stops working, you always feel like someone knows why. When a PC goes down, it is a complete mystery to everyone. I’m convinced when you send a computer back for repairs, they just set it in a corner, constantly restart it and give it a kick every once in a while. As we all know, the severity of a crash is directly proportional to the number of restarts you have to go through in order to get it “working” again.

Working and PC should never be used in the same CATing sentence. PC’s are in a constant state of breaking, sometimes it affects you and sometimes it doesn’t. Don’t kid yourself thinking that yours is working. Something is going wrong there; it just hasn’t hit you yet.

Mac’s, on the other hand, feel like the one device on the planet that just might one day rise up and kill us all. I’m convinced Steve Jobs has a big red button labeled “Take over the world” that he can press and all the Macs will turn us all into iPod wearing, iPhone talking, iMac loving clones. All new products will include a lowercase i at the start. All advertisements will be funny and/or poignant. All computers will work, except when he doesn’t want them to. Everything will have cool magnetic power cords. All speakers will me little orbs in clear plastic housings. He has our best interest at heart you know. The Jobs knows all. The Jobs wants us to be happy. You know, on second thought, he’d never have a red button. It’d glow a cool, pleasant blue.

Oh, and PC’s CATing suck.

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